The War Within Me

The Saint and The Sinner

Nathan Hale, was a soldier for the Continental Army during the American Revolutionary War. Widely considered America's first spy, he volunteered for an intelligence-gathering mission, but was captured by the British. He is best remembered for his speech before being hanged following the Battle of Long Island, in which he said, "I only regret that I have but one life to give my country." This morning I was driving in to work and I was listening to the new Downhere album when a song came on with the lyrics, "I'll give you back the life you've given me, All you've given me." Those lines sent my mind spinning with thoughts on just how powerful our lives can be.

God gives us one life to live. Then He gives us a choice. We can live for Him or we can live for ourselves. It's an internal war we wage every moment of everyday. Take my typical day for instance...

On the road by 4:30am you see some really, really bad drivers. Do I curse them for being so sleepy behind the wheel and nearly causing an accident or do I pray for their safety and well being so they can continue to live the life they have? Remember that person is someone's father or mother or sister or brother.

The homeless man I see by the roadside near the station. Do I live out Matthew 25 or do I say to myself, "That bum should get a job. or Why give him anything, all he'll do is buy drugs or alcohol."

During the morning show when things go wrong or I miss an action or miss fire a sound effect do I blame others or Abby or the interns and let one small thing ruin my day or do I try to get better by seeing how things went wrong and learn from the situation. Do I stare at my problems or do I rise above it to see my blessings?

All these things happen from time to time and I'm not even done with the first part of my day! Every moment is a choice, every day a decision I make to live for Him. I'm on this Downhere kick right now because I just thought about the song "All At War" and the lines:

I'm learning to stand the more that I fall down,
It's the law of inversion, and it's all turned around,
And I'm staggered by the clash inside my soul,
So purposed for good but inclined for evil

It's justice and mercy the old dichotomies,
All along the frontlines of my heart in both doubt and belief
The sinner and saint, the old arch enemies,
All at war, in me

I was born depraved, but created for the divine,
With death in my bones, in my heart eternal life,
I'd love for Eden, but I'd kill for Rome,
I'm native in a land that is not my home

We have free will to choose every moment of everyday to live for Him. The Sinner and The Saint in the same person. So proposed for good but inclined for evil. Everyday wake up and choose to die to self and live in Christ. Find his grace again and again, a love so complete you could never explain it. His wonder and beauty and mystery and meaning. Every morning His mercy is new and His love knows no end. Find Christ in the meaning of your existance and you find the meaning of life. Let our life's cry to be, "I regret that I only have one life to give my God." Live for Him today.

Be Blessed.

Carlos