We Need Talking Cars

The Car Horn

As much as you would like to think your car horn is a great way to communicate on the road, it really isnt. It has a very limited vocabulary. Not only that, its so hard to use the horn to communicate correctly. Think about it. You hold the horm down just a split second too long and you've gone from "Hello" to "HEY YOU! MOVE!"

So let's fix that. I found this system on how to properly use your car horn. Its similar to Morse code, in which the frequency and duration of beeps convey specific meanings. This will enable us to communicate with each other more clearly.

Here's the code:

• In a parking lot

Short honk: I seek your attention.
Medium honk: I seek your courtesy.
Long honk: I seek your doom for stealing my parking spot.

• On the freeway

Short honk: Caution! Your maneuver was unwise.
Short honk plus medium honk: Your maneuver was unwise, and I am carrying a grudge.
Two short honks and a long blast: Your maneuver was unwise, and all that keeps me from exacting revenge is the prison sentence of 25 years to life.
Three long blasts: Call a lawyer (I would add, PRAY! So you don't get here. I'd hate to see a listener of mine go to prison.)

• At a traffic light

Short tap: Perhaps you haven't noticed, but the light is green.
Two short taps: Perhaps if you weren't trying to drive, text and eat a takeout order of fettuccine Alfredo at the same time, you would have noticed that the light is green.
Two medium beeps: Perhaps if your parents had raised you to have consideration for someone besides your selfish, unintelligent self, you would have noticed that the light is green.
One prolonged blast: Perhaps you have fallen asleep, here let me help you. I will not stop the horn until you move.

• For other occasions

Short beep: Lighthearted salutation. It can be used to acknowledge passing neighbors or inform other people in your car pool that you have arrived to pick them up.
Short beep, medium beep: Punctuated signal of annoyance toward cyclists. The short beep warns; the medium beep adds emphasis. Similar to saying, "Hey you, MOVE!"
Medium beep, long beep: Excitement! It can be used to celebrate Buccaneers victories, support world-peace demonstrators or express appreciation for attractive pedestrians.

I found this list and thought it would help us all communicate just a little bit better. After the day that I had yesterday driving around Tampa. I need to make copies of this and start handing them out on a daily basis. Drive safe, take a deep breath and PRAY! Good luck on the roads.

Be Blessed.

Carlos