The War Within Me

The Saint and The Sinner

Nathan Hale, was a soldier for the Continental Army during the American Revolutionary War. Widely considered America's first spy, he volunteered for an intelligence-gathering mission, but was captured by the British. He is best remembered for his speech before being hanged following the Battle of Long Island, in which he said, "I only regret that I have but one life to give my country." This morning I was driving in to work and I was listening to the new Downhere album when a song came on with the lyrics, "I'll give you back the life you've given me, All you've given me." Those lines sent my mind spinning with thoughts on just how powerful our lives can be.

God gives us one life to live. Then He gives us a choice. We can live for Him or we can live for ourselves. It's an internal war we wage every moment of everyday. Take my typical day for instance...

On the road by 4:30am you see some really, really bad drivers. Do I curse them for being so sleepy behind the wheel and nearly causing an accident or do I pray for their safety and well being so they can continue to live the life they have? Remember that person is someone's father or mother or sister or brother.

The homeless man I see by the roadside near the station. Do I live out Matthew 25 or do I say to myself, "That bum should get a job. or Why give him anything, all he'll do is buy drugs or alcohol."

During the morning show when things go wrong or I miss an action or miss fire a sound effect do I blame others or Abby or the interns and let one small thing ruin my day or do I try to get better by seeing how things went wrong and learn from the situation. Do I stare at my problems or do I rise above it to see my blessings?

All these things happen from time to time and I'm not even done with the first part of my day! Every moment is a choice, every day a decision I make to live for Him. I'm on this Downhere kick right now because I just thought about the song "All At War" and the lines:

I'm learning to stand the more that I fall down,
It's the law of inversion, and it's all turned around,
And I'm staggered by the clash inside my soul,
So purposed for good but inclined for evil

It's justice and mercy the old dichotomies,
All along the frontlines of my heart in both doubt and belief
The sinner and saint, the old arch enemies,
All at war, in me

I was born depraved, but created for the divine,
With death in my bones, in my heart eternal life,
I'd love for Eden, but I'd kill for Rome,
I'm native in a land that is not my home

We have free will to choose every moment of everyday to live for Him. The Sinner and The Saint in the same person. So proposed for good but inclined for evil. Everyday wake up and choose to die to self and live in Christ. Find his grace again and again, a love so complete you could never explain it. His wonder and beauty and mystery and meaning. Every morning His mercy is new and His love knows no end. Find Christ in the meaning of your existance and you find the meaning of life. Let our life's cry to be, "I regret that I only have one life to give my God." Live for Him today.

Be Blessed.

Carlos

A Mood-and-a-Half

That's what it's called in my house when I have "a moment." Sometimes the moment lasts for more than just a moment though. This past Saturday, it lasted from about 9am until 3pm. My poor, patient husband... I've been bitter with him lately. The reason? To sum it up, we bought a new car and I got his old car. Instead of counting my blessings that we can even afford to buy a car, I have been consumed with jealousy and a woe-is-me mentality. I am so dissappointed in myself for feeling this way and I'm trying hard to just let it go. I think I'm almost there. Almost.

On Saturday, he proposed that we go to the store to purchase car wash needs and then wash our cars. I mentioned that after we stopped at the store, we could go to McDonald's for a coffee. He said, "Then we'll take your car. No coffee in my car." My jaw dropped. No closed-lid coffee? I won't open it. I'll put a napkin around it. I'll hold it. Nope. No coffee in the car. I know this sounds silly, but in my female mind that I don't even understand sometimes, I associated the care that he has for his car with the care that he has for me and I saw one as being greater than the other. I'll let you guess which was on the losing end.

In sets the mood. The whole time we were washing our cars, I was foul. The poor guy couldn't make a correct move, say a correct sentence, nothing. God love him, he kept on truckin'. He was trying hard to be sweet, and I was turning everything sour. The afternoon proceeded the same way. I figured I'd try to keep myself busy, so I moved to ironing. Mid-chore, we got a call from friends inviting us to hang out. He wanted to go. I said I wasn't interested, but that he should go without me. Up to this point, we could ignore the mood, but now it was out in the open.

An hour later, I was done crying. God is so good to me. If he'd sent any other guy my way, I probably would've been left standing alone in my kitchen in tears. I don't take back the arguments I was making or the feelings I feel, but I do know that Josh is a special guy. He is patient just like my dad and I am (a little) neurotic, just like my mom. They just celebrated their 35th anniversary. My mom and dad always say that they are each other's best friend. I love that. In my hysteria, Josh told me that I'm his best friend. He doesn't know how much that meant to me. He loves me (and likes me) even when I'm in more than a mood: a mood-and-a-half. God help us all if it's ever a double-mood!

How did it end? Peacefully. I insisted that Josh go to our friend's house. I just wanted to calm down. I ended up going to chuch and the sacrament of reconciliation. It felt good. I wasn't done crying though. That poor priest! I hope you know that when you feel overwhelmed and down, God is waiting for you to reach out to him. He's patient, just like my husband (probably a little bit more) even when you're in a mood.

-Abby

Tal and Acacia

Here is a great blog from their website...

HELP WANTED

Let me start off by saying that I love sleep. Many people struggle with insomnia while I battle the need to get out of somnia. (Sad joke, ignore it.) I am not one of those super humans (a.k.a. every parent) that can survive with only four hours of z's. No way- I am a solid "7 hours or bust!" kind of girl. (It's a rare breed, but we do still exist, be of good cheer.) However, my passion for sleep can conflict greatly with what I'm required to do...travel.Yes, breakdowns are much more predictable/common if you are me, and I am sleep deprived (or hungry, or if my hands feel dirty, or if I have to go in a bathroom with bare feet, or if I go to the bathroom and there's no soap! Oh gross-that's a recipe for breakdown.) Well two days ago, it happened...I had a meltdown.

This was the exact recipe for it:

2 cups of insomnia

1 cup of heavy luggage

½ cup of delayed flights

½ cup of Budget closing at 1 am (Even though we had a reservation for a car there that night after our flight arrived)

¼ cup of people on the phone telling me I can use Avis instead of Budget, and after walking to and fro, they discovered that they were wrong and sorry but that we were stuck until 6 am without a vehicle

¼ cup of impatience and frustration

¼ cup of begging the Avis man to help us- that was sad to watch3 tablespoons of two sisters together for too long- pure disaster

1 ½ teaspoons of feeling completely helpless

1 teaspoon of screaming in public- yeah let's forget that part

Put that in the oven at 350 degrees and you've got Acacia breakdown!

All of that happened (with much more drama than I mentioned) and I was not happy with God. I've been feeling so weak as it is, but now this!? Cut me a break! I was losing it fast, and wanting to quit the "obedience" thing right then and there. But then (it still makes me cry thinking of it,) God intervened. It was like I saw God touch the little Avis man, because all of a sudden he started helping us! He made the call to a manager, and told us we could have a car and didn't have to come back at 5:30 to exchange it for our reserved car. (It was already 3 am at that point.) It was so odd and so quick! We tried over an hour to work it out ourselves...we still had nothin.' YHWH took over and within 10 minutes, we were out and driving to the hotel! It was a miracle. I sat in that car, dumb-founded, and completely moved by His love.

His spirit spoke the truth to me. He still cares about me. He hasn't left me to sleep in an airport. (Even if their bathrooms do have soap.) He is still leading me, and He is still with me! I want to encourage you today, especially if you feel like you've got a recipe brewing for a breakdown. YHWH deeply loves and will always cherish you. (Even with all of our missing screws.) He wants to pave the way and let us drive to freedom...but do we want it!? Can we give up our need to be right, our need to be in control? I'll admit it, I didn't pray when everything was going wrong, I just tried to get smarter and solve it by myself. I called the supervisors, I chased down managers...but my strength had no fruit.

I just read in 1 Thessalonians 1 that works are only produced by faith, labor must be prompted by love, and endurance can only be inspired by hope in Jesus Christ. "For we know, brothers loved by God, that He has chosen you, because our gospel came to you not simply with words, but also with power, with the Holy Spirit and with deep conviction."That is Christianity, not just silly nilly words... but POWER!

Christianity is living life with the HOLY SPIRIT! I am convicted by my pride and ignorance. How do I forget that Jesus is Lord!? He is in control of everything! He offers me so many spiritual fruits and yet I try to grow them too often by myself. I am tired of feeling empty; I want fullness! It's not about my life being perfect; but about the perfect life being with me. This world would not affect me if I let myself be more affected by Jesus. It's my choice, and my responsibility to make that happen. It's time for me to pull over and ask for help. (That's not just hard for guys, believe you me.) We need real direction from a real Father and these days I'm thinking, what do I even have to lose? The Avis man already saw me scream. ;-0

So let the world know, let my heart put up the sign: HELP WANTED. I cannot solve this life by myself Lord...(so please- inquire within already!)

Ha. Much love to you.

Check Out: Talandacacia.com

Be Blessed.

Carlos

Correction

Would You Mind if...

OH PLEASE! Gimme a break! Why do some people feel the need to correct every little misstep and mistake we make in life? It's a little annoying!

God knows I love Abby, she's great. She truly is a joy to work with and I wouldn't want to have any other person on air with me for four hours a day just to then go share an office for the rest of the day. But she is one of "those" people. People who feel the need to correct every grammatical mistake, every brain fart and every Freudian slip. For some of them they don't even realize they are doing it. It's like it is just a part of their make up. As if God himself embedded into their genetic code this inert desire to correct others their missteps. Did I mention it was annoying to the rest of us?

Now, I know, I know. I'm not exactly a shining star of perfection either, Lord knows I've got my problems too. This blog really isn't a jab at Abby either! She has recently told me that she is well aware of this minor imperfection in her personality as is actually working on it. I have suggested electro shock therapy or at least a visit to Tampa Bay Christian Counseling Center, but as far as I know she has not done either. But that's ok. We love her anyway.

So what sparked this tirade of a blog on those who feel the need to correct the rest of society?

Good question. Thanks for asking.

Earlier today I was feeling a little pale so I decided to go down to the pool and work on my tan at my neighborhoods clubhouse and rec center. The place was actually very packed and there wasn't much room to lay out, but I did see a spot to set up shop so I headed in that direction. There was a pool chair available, but it was right next to this lady. So I do the polite thing and asked, "Would you mind if I used this chair"? It really wasn't a question more or less a statement that I would be using this chair but her response was a little off. She says to me, "Would I? Well I don't know yet. Why don't you sit down and see if I do".

Huh?!?! (I know, my thoughts exactly.)

So I then just figure she is kidding and I quickly laugh off the comment and sit down. I lay out my towel, pull out my iPod, set my phone down and just as I am about to get comfortable she says to me, "Actually, I do mind. Be so kind as to move over a few feet, you are blocking my view of the pool and my grandchildren".

WHAT!?!? (I know, I know)

Her whole point to this line of conversation was geared around my apparent miss use of the phrase, Would you mind vs. Do you mind. She knew exactly what I meant when I said whatever it was that I said. Why even bother with anything else? Just say from the beginning, "You handsome stud of a man, I don't mind you using that chair as long as you move it over a few feet so I can see my grandchildren". Even if she drops the handsome stud part, that would have been enough!

There are days when I pray for peace and God decides to teach me patience. Today was a test of my patience. I was already in a stressed out mood and just wanted some quite time by the pool to relax. Instead I got a grandmothers mini trial of my patience and 3 little ones in the pool screaming bloody murder at each other for changing the rules to marco polo. Thankfully, God has a sense of humor about himself. First song on the iPod, Joy Williams, "One of those days". I said amen to that, spotted myself a quick time out, said a prayer and cranked that song up till I drowned out the shouting.

Life is good. Even when its just one of those days. Be Blessed.

Carlos

The End of Days

Would You Want to Know When?

I just watched the movie "Knowing" with Nicolas Cage. It was actually pretty good. Granted we are talking about Nic Cage movies here so the bar is set pretty low, but I will say it was as good if not better than "The Rock" although Sean Connery really carried that one. The movie is based around this sheet of numbers that are correctly predicting catastrophic world events from their dates and total number dead, down to their exact location. Problem number one, there are only three dates left and then the letters EE. Which are later revealed to mean (SPOILER ALERT) everyone else. It is the end of days, Man's final hour.

This movie really got me thinking. One, there were a ton of Christian parallels I took from this film. The idea that only those who hear the call are chosen and saved, the rest perish. God is knocking on the hearts of those who are not His, if they never hear His call, a fiery oven awaits. There were a few more but in all truth, I have no idea if the man behind the film was a Christian or not and I may be seeing things that aren't really there, but I was psyched that the movie got my Christian mojo moving.

My first thought was, would I want to know when the final hour would arrive? Would I live my life differently if I knew the exact date and time that our Lord was set to return? Let's say I knew that 7 years from today God was to make His glorious reappearance and take us all home to be with Him. Would I party like it was 1999 and live like a wild man only to "come home" and repent of my wicked ways 3 days before He came? Maybe that is why God says in Matthew 24, "No one knows about that day or hour, not even the angels in heaven, nor the Son, but only the Father". He wants a people who are ready to go at all times and live a life of service in love of Him.

I would love to think that even if I knew the exact time of the Lords return, I would still live a life according to what God's will was for me. But in truth, I doubt it. Think back to when you were kids. If you knew that you were not supposed to watch TV, but Mom and Dad weren't going to be home for 2 solid hours, you'd be watching "In Living Color" till you dozed off and got caught when you didn't hear the car pull up. (That was a true life experience for me) The temptation would be too great for many of us to bear.

There were a few more things that I would love to write on but this blog would get really, really long. Maybe another time. But, would I want to know the end date? Nah. Why spoil the surprise. 1 Thessalonians 5 says, "for you know very well that the day of the Lord will come like a thief in the night". Meaning, be ready at all times. Don't sleep on the will and love of our Savior. He is ready and waiting like the Father in the story of the prodigal son to take you back in and make you His son or daughter again. He loves you and wants you home.

Live Ready. Be Blessed.

Carlos